She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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