I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
