Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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