i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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