i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
