then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
