every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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