so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
