dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
