i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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