a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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