the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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