I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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