she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she peed on how many people?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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