so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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