Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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