Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
