I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
