If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
