So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
