turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
