I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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