guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
