Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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