Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
