she looked like the before picture.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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