Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize