He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
