If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
