so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
