It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
