Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
