thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
