fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize