It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
