I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
