College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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