Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
