Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
