whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
