I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
