Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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