we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
