Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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