Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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