Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
