so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my gift to your gina
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
