my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
