it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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