i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry about my life...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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