Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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