I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
