whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
