God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
