Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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