either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
