be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
