So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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