I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
