She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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