apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
