It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
