...so i touched it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
