You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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