I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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