i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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