Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
