Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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