Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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