You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
