someone owes me an orgasm
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
