dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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