just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is her dick bigger than yours?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
