I think I died a long time ago.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
