I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
