Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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