dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
