My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
