I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
