This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
