As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
