He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
