it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm always down for nudity.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize