He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
