Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
