she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
