I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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